When to take the Ring Off?

It is completely up to YOU!

ringwedding.jpeg

What does the ring mean?

Let’s start with “What does the ring mean?” Once again, I went to “Google”…

The Story and Meaning Behind A Wedding Ring: “For all couples, the exchange of wedding rings on your wedding day is the end one journey and the beginning of another. The ring signifies the love and commitment the couple have for each other.”

The meaning of a wedding ring: “The circle shape of a wedding ring also holds special meaning. A circle is endless and has no beginning or end. This means that a circle goes on forever, just like the love a married couple have for each other. The circle shape of a wedding ring signifies that your love for one another is endless and will last forever.”

As I am writing this, I find my eyes watering just a little. It has been 10 years since my divorce and reading what the wedding ring means can still hurt my heart. For those of you who have been divorced, I am not sure what your feelings were and still are, but it continues to be a roller coaster for me at times. Do you remember how he asked, what your feelings were, how he felt? I sure do, like it was yesterday. As sappy as Ric was, this was not his finest moment. He could never keep a surprise. The day the ring was ready, he rushed to go get it and raced home. He emerged through the door like a super hero as I was working with the cable guy. Ric ran up to me with cards, the cards that have all the writing in them (you know the ones) he needed me to read every word that he underlined. With tears in his eyes, he opened the box and got on one knee and said, “It’s 1/2 carat bigger than Beth’s (his 2nd wife). Will you marry me?” As he put it on my finger he also added that I should probably put it on my right hand as his divorce was not final and she will most likely flip. Guys, I hope yours was a little more romantic.

When I first left Ric, I was so sad and lonely. Then depressed because I failed, then to anger, hurt, disappointment, sorrow and fear because of the abuse I had endured. To finally, complete abandonment. My mother was divorced twice and now so was I. I wanted to believe in forever, true love, prince charming, all of it. These emotions were all over the place for years. I also remember very clearly when I took my ring off. It was just a week into our separation, but I needed to sell it to pay my attorneys. I remember looking down at my hand for months feeling like something was missing. After speaking with many friends that were divorced, men and women, there were many different answers to the question…when is the right time to remove the ring?

Here are my findings:

  1. If you are the one initiating the divorce, you might have made up your mind and you are moving on. That is the time to remove the ring now that you are clearly ready to move on.

  2. If you are the spouse that did not initiate the divorce and you are not ready to let go, life is much more complicated. Keeping the ring is a sign that you are not ready to let go and move on yet.

  3. If the divorce is mutual, it is usually when one spouse takes the ring off first that the other spouse will take theirs off as soon as they find out.

  4. If you have children, it is complicated as well. How will they feel?

My conclusion is, there is no cut-and-dry answer. I truly feel that it is a very individual decision when to take your ring off. There is no right or wrong time. No one is in your story, no one knows what your day-to-day feelings are, and no one should judge when it is the right time for you to take the ring off. I actually still believe in marriage and the RING. I have just picked the wrong partners. Next time, I will listen to that “still soft voice” and there will be a forever.